Life is awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Nothing can bring me down. HA!

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galatica.

My First Cute Love Song

I only like winter when it's with you.

I like the sky cuz it's your color blue.

And all I think and all I do is pray that you might like me too.

I like your spots and the top of your head

I love the big brown mark on the side of your neck

And it don't matter where I've been, I can't forget the words you said

So take me. Hold me close.

And baby, lord only knows

That maybe I'm feelin' you all through my bones

SO!

I'll push you cuz' I like you best

And I want my hands all over your chest

And even if we're one big mess, I like you better than the rest

And when I stare into your blue, blue eyes

You have to go and quickly blow my mind

It's not fair that in your sight, you make my heart beat in this time

So take me. Hold me close.

And baby, lord only knows

That maybe I'm feelin' you up to my nose

And down in my toes

I can't move or else I'd go crazy

You haven't quite seen that side of me

Cuz' I'm afraid that if you see, you'll see you're great and then you'll leave

I only like summer when it's with you

I like the sky cuz' it's your color blue

And I just hope that you might too like me the way that I like you

Eyes

Finally I got a song done

EYES by Bailey Loveless

I didn't know how broken a heart could be

Or how blinding my sight could see

What I'd do if my soul blew away

Standing on the edge, I don't feel safe

CHORUS:

Then you came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

And opened up my eyes

I didn't know how hard my stare could be

How bits and pieces flash for you to see

I know I promised I would never cry

Forgive the tears I hide from time to time

CHORUS:

Then you came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

And opened up my eyes

*musical bridge*

Should you look inside. Should you look inside. (Repeat)

CHORUS:

Then you came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

And opened up my eyes

I never felt so blind

Then you came into my life

You looked into my eyes

And came into my life

You gave me back my sight

You came into my life

You came into my life

You came into my life

You looked into my eyes

And I learned how to cry

I Love....

I love starbucks

I love kisses

I love going to the movie theatre

I love musicals

I love sushi

I love dancing

I love listening to music

I love LOUD music

I love singing

I love standing in the middle of the stage and having the auditorium all to myself

I love walking around barefoot

I love daydreaming

I love flowing dresses

I love feeling pretty

I love sweatpants

I love wrestling

I love the forest and the beach

I love sunshine

I love lyrics

I love being warm

I love reading

I love writing on my blog

I love photographs and photo booths

I love SLR cameras

I love youtube

I love cuddling

I love fuzzy slippers

I love pleasant surprises

I love chocolate chip cookie dough

I love cooking

I love cooking with Rhett. Enchilada Cheese Dip. Yum.

I love ice cream

I love rain

I love photoshop

I love black and white photographs

I love calling pictures photographs and not photos

I love having a big vocabulary

I love mint oreos

I love colors

I love balloons

I love amusement parks

I love vanilla coke

I love Jones Soda

I love laughing with people

I love tickle fights

I love throwing fits about things when I'm not really upset

I love brushing my teeth

I love his eyes

I love quotes

I love doing silly things because I'm bored and I can

I love going on adventures

I love hiking

I love running and even better I love being chased

I love plotting with Hailey

I love messages

I love burning CD's

I love my ipod

I love creme cheese

I love Mexican food

I love yoga

I love clothes

I love spell check

I love getting phone calls

I love listening to my ringtones

I love letters

I love my plaid pj's

I love walking around in my panties and a t-shirt

I love sleeping in

I love staying up late

I love being at home with my friends

I love going to parties

I love strobe lights

I love people standing up for me

I love people just being there for me

I love listening

I love shopping

I love Hugh Jackman

I love The Lion King

I love discovering artists and bands

I love Adam Lambert, Trading Yesterday, Coldplay and VAST

I love to air guitar

I love feedback

I love options

I love deconstructing clothing

I love scarves

I love bubbles

I love taking hot baths

I love Vanilla

I love the lotion Hailey gave me

I love Barnes and Noble

I love Jane Austen

I love period films

I love Levi

I love Hailey

I love Rhett

I love Josh

I love Dev

I love Carter

I love my family

I love stupid nicknames

I love calling eden my gummy bear and laurel a munchikin

I love that I have a height complexity

I love that everyone else love's my butt

I love Kevin James

I love the "life is short, play naked" screen saver

I love Shiny Toy Guns

I love DJ headphones

I love days when I'm happy for no reason

I love having vivid amounts of energy

I love sarcasm

I love taking walks

I love dancing on the docks in the marina

I love my bicycle

I love the colors blue and green

I love food fights

Actually I just love food

I love sticky notes

I love blue raspberry popsicles

I love So You Think You Can Dance

I love The Notebook

I love birds

I love and miss Tucker

I love (and hate) having strange paranoias

I love brackets ()

I love writing in cursive

I love play fighting

I love sales

I love my giant black tu-tu

I love Desperate Housewives

I love reading the Cosmopolitan

I love making pirates out of models in magazines

I love collages

I love paint

I love going to the zoo

I love riding the city bus (take note-not school)

I love it when Adam calls me "his little strawberry"

I love driving around the neighborhood by myself

I love glass bottles

I love tennis balls

I love music videos

I love wedding dresses

I love colored pencils

I love horses

I love lions

I love playing with Truman

I love saying how much I don't like Twilight

I love that I have veins that stick out in my forearms

I love people telling me stories

I love Alice in Wonderland

I love the History Channel

I love texting

And chances are, I PROBABLY LOVE YOU!!!

wth???

Lady freakin Gaga did a cover of Viva La Vida?! Her of all people singing Coldplay's genius music and lyrics?! Sick and Wrong...SICK AND WRONG!!!!!!!!

My cat is amazing just fyi. Truly my best friend in life. She'll come to me, sleep with me, cuddle with me and kill icky mice for me anytime I want no matter how big of a jerk I am. And more importantly she doesn't shout back or take it personally when I get angry. Plus she is super warm, cute and soft. Perfect. I don't even know why I bother interacting with human beings anymore. I should just be a cat lady and go move into a cottage in the middle of Scotland all by myself. Just me and my hundreds of cats.

Ugh. Cramps. They stink. If this and crapping hurts this bad, I can't even imagine how child birth is going to feel. Yeah that was super blunt and gross. Get over it. I'm in pain darn it!

Don't take it personally. I only half mean it ;)

OMG Hawaii has a shakespeare festival!!! That is awesome! I am so happy now! I've been feeling some anxiety lately about going. I mean let's face it. First of all, I'm a bigot. Second of all, all those multi-cultural men like their subservient women and let's face it, I'm way too headstrong for my own good. Third, island fever. Fourth, I don't know anyone there. What if I get a roommate who is a psycho? Fifth, bugs. Ew. Gross. Disgusting. Sixth, I could get kidnapped and thrown onto some boat and never heard from ever again and probably sold into some Asian sex trade. And real life isn't like Taken. I don't have some ex FBI agent father to come save me. And finally, how the heck am I suppose to pay for all this? They are legitimate concerns, ok!?

But the Shakespeare Festival really does make me feel better. It will give a semblance of normality to the world I will shortly be throwing myself into and won't be leaving for two years. And I had never even thought about this but thanks to Levi pointing it out, I could learn how to surf! That would be awesome! I'm sure I'll suck at it but I totally could. And I'll practice. Then I could teach you all whenever you care to visit. YOU BETTER VISIT ME!

Oh and speaking of Levi, if you want to piss me off, involve him. I mean that pretty much goes for any of my friends and family but very specifically him. Yeah that's the best way to do and you will seriously have a bloomin' angry lion about ready to tear your head off. And yeah i'm talking to YOU CRAZY LADY!!!! I know you aren't reading this but if you will kindly step off it would probably be a good decision for you.

OOO imagine what would happen if you mixed Levi and my family together. I think I would basically kill something. Anyway...

Started working on a song. Finally. Of course I only have two lines right now...Pathetic...But that first line is pretty good so yeah. Whatever. I need some new artists. I mean sure I only have over 16GB on my ipod and I only listen to a very small fraction of that amount but that's not important. Irrelevant. So if you're out there, hit me up with some suggestions.

Peace out home slices.

-Bailey

Mood: Cranky

Song: Made For You by OneRepublic

then you start to wonder how you're gonna handle me when i'm under swimming in the dark sea

So I Should Probably Write On Here or Something

Sorry. I've developed a HUGE case of writer's block lately. It stinks because I have this relentless craving to start working on a new song or poem and I'm getting niente. Which is completely bogus in my opinion. It's just that lately I've been going through some legitimate phases of heightened emotions, both good and bad. You'd think it would be a source of inspiration right? I don't know about you but in my case, my best work comes from the heart and spurts of strong feelings, usually revolving around a person or event. So this should be perfect for creative output. BUT NO! MY BRAIN IS MELTING INSTEAD.

My definition for the day >>> Poetry: the spontaneous description of the soul

Yum. This color blue reminds me of cotton candy. I absolutely LOVE cotton candy. Just FYI, I'm freakin' possessive of my cotton candy. You touch my cotton candy and I will seriously bite your fingers off.

-Bailey

Mood: Crazy

Song: Fever by Adam Lambert

there he goes. my baby walks so slow. sexual! light's on but your mom's not home. i'm sick of layin' down alone with this fever

OH And Screw Political Correctness...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! I HOPE YOU ALL ARE HAVING SOME HAPPY HOLIDAYS

somethin' filled up my heart with nothin'

Haven't posted in a while so figured I'd better do so. I'm not feeling to well today, physically and mentally. Everything is sore and sluggish. I've slept most of the day. I've only been really up and functioning since 3 and spent two hours in my room deconstructing t-shirts. I got this book for Christmas called closet control and there is a section on how to modify and re-create clothes, primarily t-shirts. I meddled with two today. The first one I made is basically awesome looking. But I made it a bit small and my bust is too big so I had to hand it down to Laurel who hasn't hit physical puberty yet. Then I took one of my old blue shirts and turned it into something really interesting. It's cool looking but I can't decide if I like how it looks on me or not. I accidentally cut the neckline too low so I have to wear a tank and sports bra underneath it. Maybe if I feel like moving I'll post pictures. But I like the overall appearance so if I find another shirt I'll make another one.

Goodness, I love clothes. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow and I get to go shopping. I'm really honestly not a girly girl until it comes to clothing. Even then I like having a more masculine, stronger, rocker or tom-boy edge to how I dress. You won't see me in pink for the most part. I like the 40's. They had good clothes. 40's inspired pieces are awesome. I even like the fifties. Their clothes were basically the only good part about that era. *mutters about social gender roles*

Anyway, just a note for you all dont watch Lady Gaga's bad romance video. It's her worst one yet. In fact in order from mildest to dirtiest:

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich. She just spends a lot of time lying around in her skanky leotards being provocative but wait doesn't she do that in every one of her movies?! The difference being she stays in her leotard.

Well Eh,Eh and Pokerface are tied. Eh, Eh has a lot more shots of her in her underwear but the content of Pokerface is a little heavier though she actually spends more time clothed. Funny how that worked out.

Paparazzi. Nasty little intro though the actual movie wasn't bad.

Just Dance. I feel horrible. She violated that poor plastic whale.

LoveGame. Enough Said.

And just when we though it couldn't get any worse, Bad Romance came out. I have to give Lady Gaga props for the catchy songs. I honestly do like her music. I mean despite the fact she can't actually sing or anything she does have some great, fun songs and enjoy listening/dancing to them. But really she is a slut and I honestly don't think she's that pretty. And her in all her slutiness is out to be a role model for our young girls. That's really great. If that's how it things turn out, I'll come home from college in a few years to find my poor baby sister is becoming a porn star or something. Disgusting.

Oh you know what I hate? People on Youtube that A. have to argue with everyone and B. have to comment on every video on how it relates to Twilight. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Sorry but I'm sicks of online morons. I swear when some people get on the internet a big old stick gets shoved up their butts. Seriously I read some of the stupidest arguements in the comments section, it's ridiculous. Yeah I'm talkin about you SuperSweetiPie, whom there is nothing sweet about since she finds a need to pick a fight with EVERYONE she comes in contact with.

Huff.

So I can't stop listening to Adam Lambert. The little homosexual has stolen my heart. It's a shame he is gay. He'd make pretty babies. He needs to go visit a sperm bank. But seriously, he has an amazing voice and amazing music. His cover of Mad World is beautiful (probably my favorite version) and I just can't get it out of my head. I'm having difficulties listening to anything else. It's down in my playlist so if anyone reads this, GO LISTEN TO IT NOW!!!

-Bailey

Mood: Lethargic

Song: Wake Up by The Arcade Fire

10 Things Husbands Should Never Do

Article on Yahoo. Thought it was pretty funny. :P And for the majority pretty true.

By Diane Oatis

Guys, we love you, we really do. But as wonderful as you are, every so often you do something that makes us want to jump out the nearest window (or push you out first). Please, please, don’t ever…

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids. When your 16-year-old neighbor does it, it’s called babysitting. When a parent does it, it’s called child care, and it lasts for at least 18 years. Get it?

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of a hard day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let’s face it: You’ve basically been sitting on your butt. That same smoke is coming out of our ears too—but we’ve cleaned the house, shuttled the kids around, run errands all over town and lugged grocery bags besides. When we say we’re exhausted, we are exhausted.

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. Forgive us if we can’t work it up for this one. A new washing machine? Really?

4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume. Under our crew-neck sweaters may beat the heart of an untamed vixen—but most of us don’t want to smell like one. (Nice try, though.)

5. Brag about your driving. This is supposed to let us know that ours isn’t so great. If my husband tells me one more time that he’s been “accident-free since 1978,” I’m going to reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up.

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. I don’t know whose fault this is (Food Network? Julie and Julia?), but every so often we get the idea that it would be fun to make stock and spend the day basting. If the result is less than earth-shattering, say something nice anyway.

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. We know that the second you get into a department store you start to feel faint, but do us a favor and take the extra five minutes. Otherwise, you know who gets stuck with the returns?

8. Know it all, especially in public. Oh, honey. While you’re going on at length about whatever it is, we’re taking the temperature of the room, and we know everyone’s starting to fidget.

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. Sometimes getting a new cut goes well; sometimes it doesn’t. Usually we know the difference. Don’t rub it in.

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. Umm…it’s your house too, right? For now, we’ll give you the bronze. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you can pick up a gold.

senior year thus far.

if you don't shoot it how am i suppose to hold it???

I think everyone's lives would be a lot easier if I weren't in them. Especially his. This always happens when I try to be near people. No matter how much peace, joy and love I (or anyone else for that matter) feels, I leave a waking path of destruction. I don't mean to. I try not to. And I hate myself for it. So my altruistic side tells me to run away and never come back because it would be better that way. Less painful for the people I care about. It makes me sick to listen to them suffer. And I am not worth it.

I know they'll say you didn't ruin anything. Maybe not directly but I was involved. Guilty by association. I should know better by now.

I was accepted by BYU-Hawaii today. Which I should be excited about. I am very very pleased. But it is so hard to be fully happy. I am sad because it is so far away. It reminds me that I am leaving. But as I said maybe that is good. I don't think I can do as much damage if I'm not even on the continent.

I don't know. I don't know anymore. I don't even know if that is for sure where I am going. But I do know that I am sick of being made to feel guilt for my decisions when my accusers can't even comprehend how I feel. Telling me I don't understand when they probably don't even know the half of it.

I know what a cliche thing to say. 'You just don't understand.' But you know sometimes people really don't. Why? Because I am private and reserved. I like to keep some secrets to myself.

They won't even read this but for the record I can. I've done it more than once and it won't break me apart to do it again. I've just chosen differently for the time being. And I don't care if it bothers you; you don't need to rub it in my face. I'm not exactly a happy camper over some of the decisions you made but I didn't have to be a jerk over them. So there. That's my two cents you won't hear about. But it's ok because I'm going to just roll this one off my shoulder and forgive you anyway. Yeah. I love you that much.

Well today started off well and I suppose it is ending on a semi-good note. I named my teddy bear August. Ironically enough, he is wearing a scarf. But for some reason, in the sacred tribe of sisterhood, we all agreed that it seemed to suit my new little fluffy companion that I've been trailing around all day. It sort of made me feel like a little kid. I'd just hold it by the paw and carry it along like a toddler with their "blankie." And of course, the bear has earned one of the coveted spots on my bed.

I'm sorry this post is so brief and somewhat scatter-brained. That is how I am when I am sad and trying to absorb everything. My brain temporarily fries till it has had time to process all the information thoroughly. I can't even tell you how I feel right now. It's just a rainbow of emotions painted across my sky, with every color thrown in.

One big mess.

-Bailey

Mood: Guilty (overall)

Song: 9 Crimes by Damien Rice

Amazing.

You Are

So I seriously think I'm devolving the older I get. I'm serious. I am starting to feel like a Neanderthal. For one, I think I said more intelligent remarks as a five year old than I do now and back then my IQ was pretty freaking high. It's probably dropped a few points. I spend most of my days around the fireplace. Ooooo fire. *imitates a cavemen doing a fire dance* I can't stand shoes. I'm getting huge calluses on my feet from walking barefoot. I mean I've always preferred being barefoot even as a little kid but in the winter, usually I have the common sense to put on my shoes. Not this year. Ice, snow, rock, whatever. I won't put my shoes on to save my life. My feet must be climating though because it really isn't all that cold to walk around in the snow anymore. I love physical activity like wrestling with Josh for instance and I don't like to sit down unless it's to go to sleep. And lastly, I don't like wearing restrictive articles of clothing this year (something I've never done), which is why I love my sweat pants so much. And the less clothing I have to wear the better. I don't like layers or any of that. And all it reminds me of is some wild jungle people running around in their loinclothes. Now there's an idea.

*Puts on warpaint and indian dances*

Speaking of dancing, Levi and I had our Cha Cha choreographed this morning! I'm super happy with it. Not to easy, not to difficult and once we get the transitions down, it'll be super super sassy too and we all know how much I like super sassiness.

Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it.

Levi and I are pretty much going to rock it. We're just that awesome.

Wow. I am so happy I know the Jensen brothers because they are pretty much and two of my very favorite people in the whole wide world. I love them both to death. Like really. I think I would throw myself over a cliff before I let anyone hurt either of them. Yeah you girls better watch out because I am uber protective and territorial of those two, especially against prowlers. Roar.

Playing with colors and fonts is fun! Well I have way too much fun making my blog look pretty that's for sure. I do that with everything though. I like things to look beautiful and interesting. My blog, my dancing, my photos, my food, whatever. I don't like things to look bland.

*Sigh* I wish winter was over. I'm sick of being cooped up indoors. I want to run around and go play. In the summer, I spend almost all my time outside. Sleeping next to the waterfall. Wrestling in the field. Laying under the stars and playing night games. Walking down the middle of the road in my jeans with my bare feet hitting the pavement. Hopping fences and getting into trouble. Jumping off the docks and taking walks down to bottle tree and exploring the shore next to the silo. It's wonderful and beautiful and I miss it. Hopefully I at least get to go Christmas shopping today and get out of the house. That would be nice.

-Bailey

Mood: Confined

Song: Clocks by Coldplay

What Me and Rhett do When He comes Over in the Winter Time

1. Sleep (usually by the fireplace)

2. Sit

3. Read

4. Talk (*coughs* gossip *cough*)

5. All of the above on the dance room floor

6. Cook big elaborate meals. Well I cook. He sort of runs around fetching things for me or picking up my messes.

7. Eat. Duh. What else would we do after making a big meal?

8. Find things to eat with creme cheese which is a different category on its own.

9. Sleep some more.

10. Dance

11. Watch a movie

12. Play Skipbo

13. Coming up with ways to people's lives miserable

14. Miss Josh and Hailey

15. Occasionally we cry and have pity parties

16. Complaining about the weather and how stinkin cold it is

17. Play with Truman and push Paris

18. Check our emails and facebooks half a million times

19. Listen to music

20. Have fun

Then we repeat the whole thing over again and somehow it never gets old

See You

Dedicated to my dearest friends

By Bailey Loveless

Spinning in a million circles

Like a thousand helicopter wings

You don't touch me but I can feel you

Watching lasers overhead

With the moon rising up on a string

I don't touch you but I would like too

We're waltzing in the sky

With my feet planted on the ground

And we're going down, down, down, down tonight

CHORUS:

Don't close your eyes

Walk away or say goodbye

'Cuz this moment is all I've got

I won't go to bed with my heart on a thread

Pull it down or throw it away

Just don't close your eyes

Fall asleep or say goodnight

'Cuz this promise is all I've got

I'm on my way

I'll see you

Can earth turn just a tad bit slower

I didn't know it hurt to think to much

You'll let go of my hand after this dance

I tried to kiss you on the cheek

When you took me up to give me a hug

Don't let go of my hand after this dance

You're standing in the sea

With my feet planted on the ground

And you're swimming down, down, down, down to me

CHORUS:

Don't close your eyes

Walk away or say goodbye

'Cuz this moment is all I've got

I won't go to bed with my heart on a thread

Pull it down or throw it away

Just don't close your eyes

Fall asleep or say goodnight

'Cuz this promise is all I've got

I'm on my way

I'll see you

And I'm on my way

You're flying to the moon

With my feet planted on the ground

And I hope you'll come down, down, down, down soon

CHORUS:

Don't close your eyes

Walk away or say goodbye

'Cuz this moment is all I've got

I won't go to bed with my heart on a thread

Pull it down or throw it away

Just don't close your eyes

Fall asleep or say goodnight

'Cuz this promise is all I've got

I'm on my way

I'll see you

MY HEROES

Besides my parents and my bestest friends of course. My top Heroes at the moment. Not in any particular order:

1. Eve

2. William Shakespeare

3. Thomas Jefferson

4. Jane Austen

5. George Washington

6. Kalie Weekes

7. The Phoenix

8. Batman

9. David McCullough

10. Mrs. Morrey

11. Glenn Beck

12. Ron Paul

13. Josh Groban

14. Julianna Hough

15. The evil queen off of Snow White

I Pray Something Will Pick Me Up And Set Me Down In Your Warm Arms

CHRISTMAS WISHLIST:

-A horse

-My braces to come off

-An 80gb Ipod

-A Locket

-Books

-A laptop

-Josh and Levi to get ungrounded

-A New Year's Eve Kiss

-Someone outside my family to get me gifts

-Money

-New Clothes

-A case of Jones soda

-All my college applications to magically fill themselves out

-Just love and attention

LIKES:

+Owning pretty dresses

+Cameras

+Long Necklaces

+Rumba

+Horses

+Singing

+Photoshop

+Quotes

+Rollercoasters

+Being the best

+Wrestling

+Strobe lights

DISLIKES:

+Taco soup

+Busy work

+Dirt under my nails

+Rotting fruit

+Braces

+Mushrooms

+Spiders

+Dandruff

+Pineapple

+Cooked Carrots

ISMS:

+Rocking out in my bathroom

+Eating gum and mints like candy

+Picking at my split ends when I'm bored

+Hiding in my hair when I'm upset

+Constantly re-correcting my posture

+Hooking my feet over the end of my bed or curling into a tight ball when I sleep

+Scratching my nose when it itches like a cat pawing at their muzzle

PHOBIAS:

+Plane Bombs

+Needles

+Spider bites

+Snakes

+Serial killers

+Things waiting for me in the dark

+Being dumped or cheated on

+Other girls in general are a pretty scary thing. I don't play nice with other girls.

Life seems to be going a little better. It's still hard but I've decided that the only way to really fix my problems right now is to just let go and move with the flow. See what happens and not try to force anything. My conundrum is too big for me to decide on. So I'm giving up, attempting to nullify myself of all preferences, and just letting the big guy upstairs do his job. Letting him move me to wherever He will and hope everything turns out how it should.

I bought Josh and Levi their christmas present yesterday! That was fun because usually I don't have very much money to spend. I still don't but I'm trying to buy legitimate presents this year instead of like a candy bar or something. Something actually useful and not so fattening. I didn't know what to get Levi though so I did get him something fattening...But he's one of my best friends this year so yeah. Anyway, I am so excited to give it to Josh. I mean it's not by any means the most amazing thing in the world and he pretty much already knows what he is getting. But I'm just so excited about giving a gift that I don't even want to wrap it. I just want to give it to him and smile and say look what I got you. Not going to lie. Even though it's not much, I still think it's pretty cool. But it's ok if he doesn't like it. I mean if he doesn't I'm sure he'll be nice about it because he's Josh and he's nice about most things. But I really wouldn't mind. Because then I can just return it and get him something he actually likes which is good too.

I need to go back to wal-mart and get Hailey her present...

-Bailey

Mood: content

Song: Set the Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol

The Ronald Connection

Ronald is also still going strong and doing well just in case anyone cared. He is sitting on the floor next to me as happy as a balloon can be.

my heart is obliterated, im trying to travel through but its like moving mountains

Fluff of the Day:

+Cursing is a skilled art form that is being tainted by stupid American teenagers that feel some strange need to unnecessarily insert a swear word into every sentence they form

+I am in a state of grief. In mourning like someone has died.

+If my A-'s don't go up and I get knocked down from my class rank over some flippin A-'s, I'm going to be so upset

+My favorite colors are light blue and olive-based greens

+Rhett better bring that chocolate tomorrow because I am in dire need and might have a stroke without it

+The Deathly Hollows mini-trailer looks freaking awesome *fan girl scream*

+I love Dane Cook.

+I hate winter. I'm depressed. There is a bunch of crap food available. I'm cooped up indoors. And those three things cause gaining weight and I freaking hate it. I need to start actually working out. Curse you Utah weather. Curse you.

+I Like comments *coughs* They let me know someone is paying attention and not all is in vain

+I'm kind of sick of Facebook notifications.

+Let's play a game called let's see who texts who first

+Epic noodle fight today. I wish I had pictures.

SONGS I CAN'T STOP LISTENING TO TODAY:

+Hide & Seek by Imogen Heap

+Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas

+Set the Fire on the Third Bar by Snow Patrol

+Flowers for a Ghost by Thriving Ivory

+Moving Mountains by Usher

What I need right now is comfort. A big blanket and a fluffy pillow with several glasses of cold water. To break out the chocolate and cuddle with a friend on the couch as we watch the Notebook and I bawl my eyes out over it. A really good ab workout that makes me feel good about myself. Someone to just sit me down and hold my hand and listen to me cry. A good scream into that aforementioned fluffy pillow. A big warm fuzzy sweater. To feel like someone upstairs can hear me. A day to sleep however long I want and a break from cleaning. A Double Chocolaty Chip Frappachino from Starbucks. To feel like I am progressing. Some sunshine and a pool. Money that I can for once just go and treat myself to whatever I want, be it Cafe Rio or cute clothes, only after that ab workout of course :)

Oh Cafe Rio sounds delicious. A new outfit wouldn't kill me either.

I am such a girl when I get depressed. Wow I'm a baby. Maybe that was why I wore the tie and men's shirt today. I was feeling a need to assert my masculinity this morning and I couldn't pinpoint why. Guess this explains it.

-Bailey

Mood: Discouraged

Song: Moving Mountains by Usher

and i dont know what im suppose to do so i sit down and i cry too but dont let him see

Here’s a secret of you all. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever said this to anyone. It’s silly but I think my biggest fear is that no one is ever going to really love me. I don’t know if that is abnormal or irrational but I truly am terrified that no is ever going to love me fully. I’m not an easy person to live with. I am moody and stubborn and OCD and I yell. Then I hear all these amazing, beautiful love songs, like So She Dances by Josh Groban, and they depress me because I don’t think anyone is ever going to feel that way about me. Love me unconditionally. To think I’m beautiful whether mad, happy, or depressed or when I roll out of bed in the morning. Someone that will fight for me no matter what.

Maybe that is just reality though and my expectations are too high or something.

Speaking of which, Josh Groban is amazing by the way. I bet you already knew that but just had to reiterate. Definitely one of the most gorgeous voices I have ever heard. I listened to him today and I haven’t for a while. His music, particularly from his album Awake, is near and dear to my heart. I first listened to that album when I was in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability and recklessness. I was not ok. His music was one of the few things that comforted me in that time in my life and inspired me to push through what was going on. I actually think that if weren’t for some of his songs I would’ve made some very rash and stupid decisions. So I am so very thankful for him.

I also so MoTab live today which was so cool. It was amazing. I’ve only ever been in the Conference building one other time and have never watched a pure Mormon Tabernacle Choir Concert before. It was beautiful and very touching. I’m so glad I got to attend. Guest stars included Natalie Cole and David McCullough. I have never heard Ms Cole before and I’m always on the hunt for new artists. I was particularly excited about seeing David McCullough because he is my idle. I love listening to his lectures. He is a superb speaker and I’m currently working on reading 1776. He is one of the reasons I love history so much and along with National Treasure lol, why I’d like to be a Historian.

-Bailey

Mood: conflicted

Song: Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas

mad. depressed. can't stop crying.

i really need some comfort.

so upset i cant even think of a song to describe how i feel. never had that happen before

so let me in because im out. i know that i am someone

Dancer’s feet are disgusting. I never had a problem with feet until I started dancing. But now they gross me out. They’re dirty, dry, cracked, and calloused. It’s just gross!

Last night we had a stomp at my school which I was in charge of. I thought it turned out alright. Especially since I had virtually no clue what I was doing. I’ve never planned a dance before. I’m just the historian! I just take pictures! I tried to ask the other student council members for help but most of them just looked at me like I was stupid and gave me vague answers. So I had to figure it out on my own.

For the decorations, I blew up about 65 balloons with my own carbon dioxide in less than 45 minutes. Then I had to watch most of them get trampled by insolent teenagers, wasting my own god-given breath, in under 10 minutes.

There was one survivor. His name is Ronald.

I don’t really have much to say. Well here is a message to someone who hopefully knows who they are: I am sorry for your suffering and I am sorry for your pain. I'm only trying to do what is best but I wish I knew how to take it from you and that you would at least let me try to take it away.

LIKES:

+Index cards

+Sharpies

+Burning CD’s

+Cheese

+Jones Soda

DISLIKES:

+Missing phone calls

+Wearing too much make-up

+Sophomores and Freshmen for the most part

+Feeling guilty

+Having things shoved in my face

ISMS:

+Cheese is my first love in life, especially crème cheese. I eat cheese with practically everything. I highly recommend crème cheese on toast or triscuits

GRATEFUL FOR:

+Sleeping in

+Blankets

+Peace and quiet

-Bailey

Mood: Recalcitrant

Song: Thrown Away by VAST

PS I don't know what to get anyone for Christmas so if you have ideas or requests, let me know :)

...just take away the words i say...

Well I just hope I made the right decision. Really hope. That's all I have to say on that subject.

I'm experiencing a horrible case of senioritis. I have no desire to go to class. To do homework. It's quite a chore to wake up in the mornings. I have to set both my normal alarm and the one on my phone in order to wake up otherwise I'll just sleep through them. Then of course I only hit the snooze buttons a gazillion times. I swear if it weren't for the social life (and the fact my mother would kill me) I wouldn't even bother. Ugh and there are still my stinkin online classes to go...ew.

And more applications to fill out...This whole education thing really sucks sometimes.

I re-took the personality test on Facebook. Yes I'm a Facebook junkie. Miracles would be done if I spent as much time working as I spend on Facebook. But anyway, it is one of the most accurate free personality tests I've ever taken. Here's my results:

Openness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 91.9% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is far more intellectually curious and sensitive to beauty than most. You might say that your beliefs are individualistic and frequently drift towards the unconventional, and that you enjoy your imagination and the exciting places it takes you!

Conscientiousness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 46% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is random and fun to be around but that you can plan and persist when life requires it. From your responses it appears that depending on the situation, you can make quick decisions or deliberate for longer if necessary.

Extraversion

This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 30.8% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who prefers low-key social occasions, with a few close friends. You might say that it's not that you are afraid of large parties; they're just not that fun for you.

Agreeableness

This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 8% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is willing to make difficult decisions when necessary, and will point out when something is wrong no matter what other people might feel. Your responses suggest that you would say that you can be tough and uncompromising.

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)

This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 88.5% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is generally calm. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can feel emotional or stressed out by some experiences, however your feelings tend to be warranted by the situation.

Pretty nifty eh? I think it's pretty true anyway. Well sorta. I also think I don't really have much of my own personality. A mind of my own yes. A personality? Not really. It sort of changes depending on people, situations, etc shadowing the mood and surroundings. It's a mumble and jumble of everything really, which is why I think I like acting. Or maybe that's just a multiple personality disorder.

WORD OF THE DAY: Niente. Italian. "Nothing."

HA! My brother's bedroom just flooded. Sucks to be him.

So I am working on these lyrics and I can't decide whether or not to scrape them. So if you like them then maybe I'll finish.

Can't feel my senses/ they're on overload

On my defenses/ to stay in control

I'm falling down/to the sound

Of gentle breathing/when you're next to me

Then I stop thinking/and I barely see

I'm floating far/falling hard

CHORUS:

Are you listening to my heart beat

While I'm listening to your world breathe

Are you listening to my heart beat

While I'm guarding you while you dream

Yay? Nay? I like them. I even have a little tune but I'm not sure I'd like to finish. And seriously if they suck then let me know so I don't have to live with the embarrassment. That's partially the reason I don't want to finish.

LIST FOR THE DAY!!!

LIKES:

+ Sushi

+Pens

+Pleasant surprises

+Tennis balls

+Poetry

+Horses

+Kisses

+Vanilla

+Converse sneakers

+Air guitaring

DISLIKES:

+ Broccoli

+Being alone

+Acne

+Waking up early

+Cold

+Forwards (unless they're really good)

+Narrow-minded people

+Not being listened to

+Male Sexists

+ Chalkboards

ISMS (Weird Habits):

+Moving and blinking my eyes to the beat/accents of a song when im really listening to it

+Being barefoot as much as possible

+Scrunching my nose when I don't like something

+Hooking my feet around the front bars on the desks at school

+Not making eye contact when I'm feeling really emotional and I don't want someone to see it

+Standing on my bed and leaning against the wall

+Pushing my hair back and out of my face with my thumb and pinkie

+Twirling my pen in my fingers when I'm feeling anxious or thinking harder than usual

-Bailey

MOOD: Curious

SONG: Chemistry of a Car Crash by Shiny Toy Guns

p.s.

i know going off of that note...but by the way, i'm going to be making this huge collage thing to cover my walls so if you want to donate magazines or something that would be freaking awesome! much love!

take me home to my heart

Ugh. Gag me with a spoon.

There are a lot of decisions to be made. Serious decisions that I don’t feel ready to make but that are necessary, stemming from this horrible thing called growing up. Like choosing where to apply for college for instance. Choices that will affect my whole life. My future. My husband. My children. It’s kind of a formidable task.

I feel lost. It is strange. I always considered myself to have a strong sense of direction in life. The plan was simple; go to BYU, get an acting degree, try my luck out in the acting world before settling down. But now I’m being battered back and forth between different possibilities and outcomes. And it doesn’t help that I don’t know what I want any more. I feel so much pressure to do the right thing and to somehow please everyone. There is more than my own life at stake here and I don’t want to hurt anyone or let them down. I’m so worried about everyone else’s happiness that I don’t even know what I want for myself or what will make me happy. And it just feels like I don’t have time to figure it out. That I need to act now. There’s no room for me to step back and try to think about it.

But what do I act on? My brain and my heart and my instincts are all telling me different things. I am very out of control.

I feel like I’m wasting time. I don’t know who I am, or where I stand, or what to do. That somehow, I’m back to where I came from. Not having progressed.

*sigh*

I keep trying to set goals for myself. Ok you’re going to do this by the end of the week no matter how scary it is. Then I always break my promise. Again, very unusual for me. Normally I’m stubborn and resolved beyond all reason. I’d like to convince myself to take the age old advice, “Live each day as if it were your last” because I know I’d definitely taking a different course of action if that were the case. Wow. Can you imagine how much would get taken care of if we all did that? Then we would all stop beating around the bush and just tell each other how we all really feel. Wouldn’t that be nice?

The lyrics by Trading Yesterday seem to best capture how I feel:

“And I’ve lost who I am and I can’t understand why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love. Love without. Love gone wrong. Lifeless words carry on. All I know, all I know is the end is beginning who I am from the start. Take me home to my heart. Let me go. I will run. I will not be silenced. All this time spent in vain. Wasted years, wasted gain. All is lost. Hope remains. And this war’s not over.”

-Bailey

Mood: distressed

Song: Shattered by Trading Yesterday

500

The first list! *squeal* And probably one of the most meaningful ones I'll ever post. This was a challenge I gave myself this year. A few days before Thanksgiving, I took it upon myself to compile a list of 500 things I am truly thankful for by Thanksgiving. I even read it at the dinner table.

500 Things I Am Grateful For...

1. Supportive parents

2. My family

3. Hailey

4. Rhett

5. Josh

6. Levi

7. Laurel

8. Christ's Atonement

9. My health

10. Oppurtunities

11. Life

12. Mountains

13. Trees

14. Scriptures

15. Temples

16. The prophet

17. Legs

18. Having a body

19. Plumbing

20. Running, filtered water

21. Freedom

22. Music

23. Agency

24. Education

25. Teachers

26. Deodorant

27. Febreeze

28. Dance

29. Toothpaste

30. Ibuprofen

31. Strawberries

32. Holy Ghost

33. Friends

34. Our fore fathers

35. Hair curlers

36. Mexican food

37. Airplanes

38. Coats

39. Heating

40. Pens

41. Paper

42. Lotion

43. Razors

44. Sushi

45. Dance studios

46. Jones Soda

47. Just food in general

48. Forgiveness

49.keyboards

50. Fire

51. Ocean

52. Oven and stove

53. Jeans

54. Shoes

55. Boots

56. Prayer

57. Talents

58. Computers

59. The ability to create

60. Mrs. Morrey

61. Grants

62. Kisses

63. My bed

64. Blankets

65. Books

66. Libraries

67. Being included

68. The future

69. Being able to change

70. Ability to love

71. Cover-up

72. Acne medicine

73. Jesus

74. Theatre

75. Planners

76. Trials

77. Strength

78. Shrinks

79. Compliments

80. Westlake

81. Grocery stores

82. Sleep and naps

83. Relaxation time

84. Yoga

85. Waterfalls

86. Stars and moon

87. Photographs

88. Having company

89. Dawn

90. Girls' Nights

91. Shelves

92. Fuzzy socks

93. Tucker

94. Devon

95. Truman

96. Erzulie

97. Spider spray

98. Bishop

99. Bishop's storehouse

100. Independence

101. Microsoft Word

102. Self-sufficiency

103. Sunsets

104. Instruments

105. Underwear

106. My sight

107. Feminine products

108. Clocks

109. Homeless shelters

110. Toilet Paper

111. Charities

112. Games

113. Special Needs Mutual

114. Toilets

115. Mirrors

116. Slimfast

117. Dad's cooking

118. Laser hair removal

119. Calendars

120. Fireplaces

121. Trading Yesterday

122. Mascara

123. Erasers

124. Pillows

125. Facebook

126. Hugs

127. Comfort

128. Warmth

129. Smiles

130. Rain

131. Feminism

132. The Constitution

133. Seminary

134. Hot baths

135. Having traveled so much

136. Home

137. Celestial Kingdom

138. Hope

139. Ability to have children

140. Smart Water

141. Support and encouragement from people outside my family

142. Letters

143. Money when I have it

144. Always finding a way

145. Modern medicine

146. Slippers

147. Pj's

148. Knowledge

149. My leaders

150. Having my own room

151. Credit Unions

152. Folders

153. Quick communication

154. Intelligent conversation

155. Open-minds

156. Poetry

157. The Priesthood

158. Crying

159. Windows

160. Boats

161. Listening

162. Open spaces

163. Forests

164. Undeveloped land

165. History

166. Highlighters

167. My memory

168. Sunlight

169. Vitamin D

170. Electricity

171. Good movies

172. Josh Groban

173. Personal Progress

174. Christmas

175. Fly swatters

176. Eve

177. My heart

178. Journals

179. Men's shirts

180. Cleaner

181. Drawers

182. Cell phone

183. Cars

184. Low gas prices

185. Sour Patch kids

186. Chocolate

187. Radio

188. Not needing to be perfect to be loved

189. Colors

190. Soap

191. Summer

192. Oxygen

193. Musicals

194. Shakespeare

195. Slang

196. My hair

197. Motivation

198. Procrastination

199. Most of my HS credits being done

200. Religion in general

201. New experiences

202. Emma Smith

203. Simple math problems

204. Headphones

205. Babies

206. Latin Dance Sandals

207. Children

208. Burt's Bees Healing Ointment

209. My homecoming dress

210. Imagination

211. Laughter

212. Joseph Smith

213. Texting

214. Brushes

215. Hair bands

216. Purses

217. Invention of the wheel

218. Sharing

219. Ideas

220. Notifications

221. iTunes

222. CD Burners

223. Options

224. DVD rippers

225. Clouds

226. Sense of touch

227. Determination

228. Bowls

229. Eating utensils

230. Recorders

231. Youtube

232. Chairs

233. Examples

234. Things NOT made in China

235. Non-judgmental people

236. Thomas Jefferson

237. Garbage cans

238. Roads

239. Auto Save

240. Losing weight

241. Free samples

242. Low calorie foods

243. Spontaneousness

244. Sprinklers

245. Cows

246. Couches

247. Televisions

248. Bread

249. Birds

250. Cultural diversity

251. Cleanliness

252. Sacrament

253. Starbucks

254. Patriotism

255. Second chances

256. MP3 Players

257. Google

258. Wikipedia

259. Alarms

260. Timers

261. Book of Mormon

262. Pleasant surprises

263. Good timing

264. Bonding moments

265. Safe drivers

266. Secret keepers

267. Soft skin

268. Small earbuds

269. Muscle memory

270. Internet and WiFi

271. Blue skies

272. Contacts

273, Nail clippers

274. Knives

275. Scissors

276. Compassion

277. God

278. Movie scores

279. Well written scripts

280. Different perceptions

281. Farmers

282. Scrapbooks

283. Email

284, Happy mediums

285. Quiet

286. Apologies

287. Honesty

288. Bravery

289. Instinct

290. Lazy afternoons

291. Good people

292. Girls that don't wear too much make-up

293. When you're happy for no reason

294. Mousetraps

295. Receipts

296. Currency/Whole bills (none of that change crap)

297. The time when Levi and Josh and I all went to the mines

298. Being entertained

299. Physical affection

300. Cameras

301. Running

302. Ice

303. That I finally learned to take pills

304. Safety pins

305. Dictionaries

306. Spell check

307. Having a Catharsis

308. Learning new words

309. Shopping malls

310. Seat belts

311. Doctors

312. Old towns

313. Glass bottled coke

314. Ballroom

315. My latin dress

316. Hotels

317. Signs

318. That my mom didn't pierce my ears

319. Being responsible

320. Spring

321. Daylight

322. Blow dryers

323. hair straighteners

324. Bobby pins

325. Basic grammar

326. Life jackets

327. Fresh, non-farmed fish

328. Baptisms for the dead

329. A-days

330. Hiding spots

331. Sweat pants

332. Recipes

333. When I can do what I want when I want

334. The people that happily deal with me

335. Those not easily offended

336. Limewire

337. Fast Food

338. 711

339. Carpeted floors

340. Food storage

341. Drains

342. Garbage disposals

343, Cruises

344. Rechargeable batteries

345. Trampolines

346. Rollercoasters

347. Transposing

348. That I got Photoshop for free instead of paying a buttload of money

349. Civil rights

350. Belts

351. Caller ID

352. Vests

353. Meaningful presents

354. High protein food

355. Basements

356. Tables

357. Mayonnaise

358. Phone Zoo

359. Glass

360. Scarves

361. The views in the area I live in

362. Plants

363. Green

364. Lip gloss

365. Blistex

366. Vertical stripes

367. Flip-flops

368. People who can play the piano

369. Going home after a long day

370. Personally being capable of running a household

371. Time I get to spend with my siblings

372. Cooking when my parents go out

373. Crunches

374. Being able to wrestle and not wimpy wrestling mind you

375. Fruit

376. Butterflies and other good bugS

377. Bean bags

378. Candles

379. Sunscreen

380. Aloe Vera

381. Shoe laces that stay tied

382. Teddy bears

383. When I can go shopping

394. Quotes

385. Being asked out

386. Washing machines

387. Having generous acquaintances

388. Not having to move away from our house

389. Cheap quality department stores

390. Lightbulbs

391. The national archives

392/ Gloves

393. Air conditioning

394. Towels

395. Time alone in the house

396. Men that can cook and clean

397. Visitors center in temple square

398. Living in an area with so many resources and programs

399. Fabric softener

400. Being able to go barefoot

401. Baby powder

402. Back pockets

403. Clean shaved boyfriends

404. When its 75 degrees inside

405. Flowers

406. Pots and Pans

407. Warm Breezes (emphasis on WARM)

408. Laurel being the sewing lady in the house instead of me

409. Ordervues and snacks

410. Shampoo and conditioner

411. Thesaurus

412. Fabric stores

413. Bras

414. Lists

415. Having a good eye

416. Hairspray

417. Not being tone-deaf

418. The chickens

419. Massages

420. Chiropractors

421. Movie rentals

422. Pizza parlors

423. Crock pots

424. The fact that taste buds change

425. When I can explain myself to people

426. Free lunch

427. Fee Waivers

428. Online applications

429. Levi trusting me and being my friend again

430. How well my senior year is going

431. Quincy, my locker partner, never uses the locker so I have it all to myself

432. Having direction in my life

433. Wanting to be more versus less

434. Sick cards

435. Experiencing being blind

436. Experiencing being homeless

437. My conscience

438. Being trusted by others/being told

439. The pioneers

440. Animal Cruelty Police

441. Straight teeth

442. Nail polish

443. Knowing how to dress

444. Herbs

445. Nebulizers

446. Humming

447. Orca Whales

448. Swimmsuits

449. Goals

450. Heated pools

451. Cotton

452. Wires

453. Microwaves

454. Refrigerators

455. Freezers

456. Laid-back teachers

457. Coolers

458. Magnets

459. Thumb tacks

460. Magazines

461. Book covers

462, Green houses

463. Being on student council

463. Reliability

464. Doors

465. Locks on doors

466. Privacy

467. Vaccines

468. The Renaissance

469. Marvel Comics

470. Benjamin Franklin

471. KSL

472. Craig's List

473. Dentists

474. Sugar free gum

475. Face cards

476. My converse

477. Having nice nails

478. Being able to move in heels

479. Being captain of the ballroom team

480. Peripheral Vision

481. Declaration of Independence

482. Salad Dressing

483. Flashlights

484. Kleenex

485. Nasal Spray

486. Cinemas

487. Being able to mostly control my ticklish-ness

488. Play time

489. Nice hand me downs

490. Finding lost things

491. Not being tempted to break the Word of Wisdom

492. Paper plates

493. Buttons

495. Being energetic

496. Having my own account on the computer

497. Learning HTML

498. Cafe Rio

499. Not having lived or being raised in Utah my whole life

500. And FINALLY, that I finished this list and on time!