Here’s a secret of you all. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever said this to anyone. It’s silly but I think my biggest fear is that no one is ever going to really love me. I don’t know if that is abnormal or irrational but I truly am terrified that no is ever going to love me fully. I’m not an easy person to live with. I am moody and stubborn and OCD and I yell. Then I hear all these amazing, beautiful love songs, like So She Dances by Josh Groban, and they depress me because I don’t think anyone is ever going to feel that way about me. Love me unconditionally. To think I’m beautiful whether mad, happy, or depressed or when I roll out of bed in the morning. Someone that will fight for me no matter what.
Maybe that is just reality though and my expectations are too high or something.
Speaking of which, Josh Groban is amazing by the way. I bet you already knew that but just had to reiterate. Definitely one of the most gorgeous voices I have ever heard. I listened to him today and I haven’t for a while. His music, particularly from his album Awake, is near and dear to my heart. I first listened to that album when I was in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability and recklessness. I was not ok. His music was one of the few things that comforted me in that time in my life and inspired me to push through what was going on. I actually think that if weren’t for some of his songs I would’ve made some very rash and stupid decisions. So I am so very thankful for him.
I also so MoTab live today which was so cool. It was amazing. I’ve only ever been in the Conference building one other time and have never watched a pure Mormon Tabernacle Choir Concert before. It was beautiful and very touching. I’m so glad I got to attend. Guest stars included Natalie Cole and David McCullough. I have never heard Ms Cole before and I’m always on the hunt for new artists. I was particularly excited about seeing David McCullough because he is my idle. I love listening to his lectures. He is a superb speaker and I’m currently working on reading 1776. He is one of the reasons I love history so much and along with National Treasure lol, why I’d like to be a Historian.
-Bailey
Mood: conflicted
Song: Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas
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